Saturday, July 25, 2009

First week over with ..

My first week has ended and I feel amazing! I cannot believe the results after just one week of really disciplined eating and of course amped up exercise.

I originally weighed in at 59.2 for my starting weight, after my first week I now weigh 57.8 and the best part about it was I am doing it the right..healthy way. I have been eating a minimum of 6 meals a day ..all jam packed with heaps of protein. Ive made sure my carbs are only in my breakfast and lunch and my dinner has been a simple portion of protein with a mound of healthy vegies and or salad. I feel fantastic!

Last night was my 'cheat' night so Brad and I went out for dinner with Per & Louise and we indulged in some amazing woodfire oven pizza. Nothing beats good quality food. Even more so now I appreciate it.

Back to my routine of 'healthy eating' and I look forward to working hard this week again until my next cheat meal. I think Brad & I have decided to this on Friday or Saturday nights. Its good to have it near the same day each week - but also it gives us the option of being able to enjoy slightly 'grubby' food with friends/family, rather than our normal portion controlled grilled home meals.

Today I am off to check out some exercise equipment with Brad. I am so excited! We are changing our spare room into a cardio room. We both need to step up our cardio sessions and to always have to pay a casual session at the gym is getting ridiculous. this way we can invest in some good pieces of equipment and a) never have an excuse not to exercise as it will be convenient and b) save money in the long run.

I am also going to look at potentially getting a cardio trainer just for the duration of this challenge but will let you know further after the week ahead.

I'm off to enjoy this beautiful sunshine!

x

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Day 6

Day 6 and I have hit a slight hurdle .. I have tonsillitis :(

I had to cancel my training session today and had to call in sick to work for the next few days as I am on antibiotics and need to rest.

Yesterday I actually had a fab day. I worked a split shift am/pm and in between I had a very hard but rewarding legs/shoulder program with Aaron. I might whinge and complain during the session as it really does push my limits but I am very grateful afterwards and not to mention proud of my achievements!

Seeing as though today I am unable to train I am making sure my eating is spot on. I have made sure I eat every 3 hours with high protein meals (no carbs today - if I don't work out then I tend to stick to a protein only day).

I have also made sure I take all my supplements including my multivitamin, fish oil and vitamin C.

Only a short post as I am about to go lay down and rest some more. I am hoping I will be recovered enough by tomorrow to at least be sociable. Right now however I am so tired my throat is so sore that I just want to sit in silence.

Have a great day :)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Day 4

Day 4 and I am still feeling fabulous!

A few family/friends in Adelaide said to me over the weekend how well I was looking at how amazed they are at my positive outlook. People that is because it is a choice of mindset. Never will I play the poor me victim act - never will I allow myself to feel defeated because of this disease and the second I decide to play the 'poor me ... why me ... its so hard you don't understand what it is like card ... well then I will have only failed myself; and that is something I REFUSE to do! I have far too much self respect to allow someone else to dictate my outcome in life - whilst I may not be able to steer the exact path this disease takes me on, I know that if my day comes because of it, I know I can at least lie their on my death bed with nothing but pride for the way I carried myself through this journey.... That is my choice and I will have it no other way.

As for my challenge ...I have loaded myself up with a heap of books/mags to make sure I am forever keeping inspired by other healthy like minded individuals who made a change in their diets and exercise for the better. One common thing I keep coming across with interviews from professionals in the industry of weight loss/natural BB etc is that people are misguided into thinking you need to spend hours at the gym or that you need to starve yourself to get results - when truthfully its the complete opposite.

I love that my gym sessions are capped at 45mins (weights or cardio) and that my eating is all about eating 6 loaded meals throughout the day that never have me feeling hungry. God could you actually imagine trying to sustain yourself on a 'diet' (urgh hate that word) that makes you feel hungry? That instantly to me tells you it isn't right or healthy. We are lucky enough to have so many wonderful healthy options at our fingertips and god knows if we are really truly counting every calorie (not for me - no thanks) but if we are then we can at least be munching down on celery sticks!

I feel allot lighter and I must admit stronger. I even feel as though my posture is getting better also.

I am about to head for another session with Aaron (cant wait for the after feeling of success), then I am off to the movies tonight to see Harry Potter.





Saturday, July 18, 2009

Day 1

Today has been a brilliant day!

Louise slept over and we made sure we got to bed early and all got a good nights rest, ready for a big day. After a yummy breakfast of weetbix, yoghurt and my new morning supplement mix we headed out to Sydney Road with Louise' mum to see Louise try on a few wedding dresses.

There were 5 dresses in the mix but this one particular dress (the first one that she tried on) was amazing. Louise looked stunning, so much so that I actually got teary as it was just so beautiful on her. She tried on some others which were nice but when she put on the first dress again it was apparent it was the one. Yet again I managed to shed a tear, I cant explain it - she just looked breathtaking!

After our fun morning we had some lunch of grilled chicken wraps and headed for a pt session with Aaron. We did a mixed bag of triceps, shoulders, lunges, step ups and of course sit ups ... I hate sit ups! Sure enough at the end of it I felt amazing!

Now I have just finished packing my bags and I am heading out to the airport ..off to Adelaide I go. I cannot wait to see my son, parent and my sister again. It will be a great few days.

Hopefully I will get time to blog whilst I am away - for now I am just looking forward to my yummy dinner b4 I fly out!

x

Ready & Pumped

So today was spent finalising my preparations for my start in the BodyBlitz Challenge!

My vision board is complete and wow - it is amazing. I love it! I love staring at it and really in visioning these pictures and words becoming more and more apart of my life.

I have done all my grocery shopping and made sure I have prepared all my portion sizes for my fish, chicken and steaks into 100g lots, this will take away so much time during the week and will help ensure I have no excuses for not being able to cook the right meals.

I am seeing Aaron tomorrow to finalise my program and have all my measurements etc taken. I really am excited. Today I was so excited that I went to Curves for a workout with Louise ..then after a day of shopping (which had me spoilt my Brad with 2 hot leather jackets by 'white suede' ) anyhow even after a full day I then went to Powercore to complete my cardio of 20 mins of hard walking on a incline of 8 at a pace of 7... man did I sweat and boy were my legs and butt killing! I nearly gave up at the 5 minuet mark but I kept imagining myself during the body blitz challenge and next thing I knew my 20 mins were up!

I came home, feeling amazing from a brilliant day and decided to pump the music up and clean the house. I love incidental workouts like this and to do it whilst listening and dancing to my favourite tunes make it even more bliss.

I have just finished having a yummy dinner with Brad & Louise of delicious grilled gummy shark fillets ... vegies and a yum salad which included loads of greens including celery, alfalfa sprouts and mung beans - YUM!

I'm headed now to relax in front of the telly to watch Collingwood vs Hawthorn - All I can say is GO THE PIES!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Time for a challenge!

Its Friday night and finally I have some me time.

After I finish this blog Brad & I are going to sit down in front of the telly to watch the footy and complete our vision boards. I cant wait to see how they turn out! I have been so excited and pumped about them.

Work has been good ... Its nice to have members come up to me and say that I am an inspiration because they see me keeping a positive mindset and exercising myself, its great to get such good feedback - however some women I am sure mean well when they get talking to me about my cancer but obviously forget when they then continue to talk about their sister, mother or friend who died of breast cancer because it spread after a year or two. This has proved to be a challenge for me to remain positive and to not let these stories effect my own mindset but I will be honest in saying it sure as hell does make me think from time to time about my situation .. it even has me questioning am I actually in the clear?

Needless to say even with all the daily struggles with these thoughts I have decided to set myself a new and exciting goal. One that is based around health and fitness and will really help me be at my healthiest state ever - both inside and out.

I am going to enter the Body Blitz challenge ....eeeekkk cant believe I just wrote that - its actually out there and now I have to stick to it. Man I am excited, nervous and freaking out lol - in all honesty I am excited as hell! I have got myself a top trainer - Aaron, he is a gun - really challenges me both physically and mentally. I think its good to find a trainer that is like minded and Aaron sure is - he is positive and really believes in the power of choice and the power of the law of attraction. I have managed to convince Brad to do it with me as it will be easier when we look at working out together and of course supporting each other with meals etc.

I am giving myself this weekend to get prepared with completing my vision board and making sure Aaron has scheduled in my training sessions and of course come up with a kick arse eating plan ..12 weeks is a long time so I am going to get proper food/exercise diaries to keep us on track - I will use this blog to report how its going too and of course I need to buy a massive calender so we can count down the days haha.

I am going to ask my sisters if they are keen to do it too (forget my sister Suzy - her body is perfect .. I dont know how she does it but she does) ... I am also going to try ...yes try and convince Louise ... the more the merrier I say and it will be so much easier if a few people do it as we can help each other stay motivated and on track.

Anyways - I'm out! x

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

zzzzzzzzzzz

This morning I started work at the crack of dawn so up I jumped at 5am to make sure I was ready in time. I worked through till 12 then headed home for a quick half hour nana nap before I got up and gave the house a once over ... vacuum, mopping, washing - the usual things that tend to pile up if I don't keep on top of them.

Back to work I went at 3.30 and managed to finish up at 7. I am so tired! I made sure I kept up with loads of yummy meals throughout the day, if I didn't I'm sure I would have collapsed with exhaustion. I finished my night with the yummiest grilled chicken, veg and salad. I was actually contemplating have wood fire oven pizza for dinner but decided to have the healthier choice of a nice home cooked meal. I was grateful - it left me feeling settled not bloated and lethargic like greasy food tends to do.

I really am starting to make more conscious efforts of what is good for my system and what is not. There is one thing I need to work on however ... that is getting myself way more sleep!

I was super excited and proud to hear today that Brads mum joined a curves in her area. It makes me happy to know that she is doing what she can to be fit and healthy. Every time I hear about another person taking measures to live a healthier and more positive life it really does make me smile.

I love it when I ring my mum and she has just finished her daily power walk on the treadmill. You go girl!

It still baffles and amazes me at the massive amount of people who aren't active .. especially those who have no real reason not to be, except for the same old boring pathetic excuse of I have no time. Living a healthy lifestyle including making time for exercise should be like brushing your teeth daily. Our healths are our most important assets in life...not the car we drive or the house we live in ... our bodies and minds are what get us through each day at a time. Yet it is the one thing that so many people tend to neglect and not to forget abuse.

My vision board is still coming along nicely .. slowly but nicely. It is not something I want to rush and knock over in a night. I cannot wait for it to be complete!

I am getting really tired now and I need to be at Aarons for a 6am session so I better be off to bed ... I start work at 8.30am and wont get to finish till 7pm zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, July 13, 2009

Energy

Its now 9.30pm and I feel as though today I have not stopped.

I woke up at 5.15 this morning to hit Aarons with Brad. We had an excellent session. It was great because we set some exciting new goals relating to 'body image' and in a few weeks Brad and I will do a 12 week challenge together to help get into our best shape yet. This is especially a HUGE goal of Brads before he hits 30 early next year.

Today I made sure I was snacking every 3 hours during work with lots of protein fuelled meals like yoghurt, salt free nuts, grilled chicken and of course a yummy protein shake.

After finally getting home at 7.30pm I quickly whipped up some delicious vegies with lean grilled steaks and salad. I feel so completely satisfied.

I am going to continue working on my vision board for a little while but then it is straight off to bed to try and get some decent sleep. I have a long day tomorrow with a split shift starting at 6.15am along with another Guitar Hero play off with all the Metallica classics lol.

One thing I am missing since having started work is the relaxed moments .. lately I just feel like everything is so rushed. Hopefully my hours settle down more and then I can get myself into more of a routine with general life rather then running my life around my work hours.

x

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Vision It .....

I cant believe that my weekend is already over! I find them so much more precious now that i actually have to work. Who would have thought hey.

This morning I woke up excited and ready for a different session with Aaron as this time I was taking along my twin, Julie ...

I was all pumped and prepared to do a massive weights session when he turned around to tell me we were doing a full session based on a 5kg medicine ball and body resistance intervals .... ummm what?? I hate the medicine ball I instantly groaned!

Needless to say we went about our session with a range of overhead throws .. followed by push ups (on our toes) and then more squats and throws etc .. I was completely pooped to the point I thought my arms and legs were going to give way! It sure was a great feeling to have a different kind of work out on my body, the 'shock' of no heavy weights definitely hit home on my muscles but I loved every bit of it. I always do ....after the session that is lol during it I hate it haha:)

By the end of my workout which I might add Julie did really well at too ... Aaron gave me a new revised eating plan .. Julie & I hit the shop straight away to stock up on all the requirements to see us through the week.

I absolutely LOVE grocery shopping. Most people loathe it but I really enjoy filling up my trolley with yummy fresh foods and getting excited knowing that I can prepare and of course enjoy eating all the delicious things I have packed my trolley with.

Its 10.05pm and I think I am going to continue working on cutting out pictures and images for my vision board - I actually find it quiet addictive. Its amazing what you end up cutting out without even realising it. I am beyond excited about what my finished product will look like and more so I look forward to reflecting on it every day from then on.

Vision Boards are so powerful and I cannot highly recommend them enough. Some people think they are wanky ... I just think its a better way to write up your goals and desires in life rather than writing down words in boring blue ink on white ruled piece of paper ... Visualisation people that is the key!

Brad has his first session with Aaron tomorrow ~ haha I cant stop laughing cause I know he wont be able to walk for days after hehe - love it! It will be good to be able to share this common interest also. Every now and then we may even do a few double sessions together, which is always loads of fun.

x

Saturday, July 11, 2009

For whom the bell tolls ....

Well what can I say.. but it sure is working! Today I made a real conscious effort to not allow my phone to interrupt me whilst I was in the company of others.

Whilst I was at Per & Lou's house for Per's birthday I made sure I put my phone on silent (figured if there was an emergency they knew my sister Julie would be with me so they could easily call her if needed) ...anyhow ~ I my phone went on silent and I truly did have an amazing night!

I enjoyed the company .. good conversation ...lots of yummy food (including a few cake indulgences which I will be working off pronto come rise tomorrow with a personal training session with Aaron along with a spin class with Julie and my cousin Vanessa).

We ended up playing guitar hero - Jeez .. who would have thought it could be so fun and not to mention what a good release of pressure or tension from the past week!

Per was on guitar, Julie on the drums, Louise on Base and I belted out tunes to Metallica ... For whom the bell tolls was one of the best songs to sing!! haha

Sure enough when I checked my phone when I got home I had 2 messages and a missed call but none that were important enough to interrupt my night. All in all I am adjusting to the less phone usage or awareness in front of the company of others and I have to say I am really enjoying that!

I'm off to bed now ... so tired! Last night I slept for 11 hours, tonight wont be so long as its already 1.16am and I have to be up and ready to go by 9am.

If you bored and you don't have guitar hero try getting your favourite tunes ..pumping them up loud on the home stereo system and literally just belting out tunes as you dance - it is so uplifting and a fantastic stress reliever and leaves you feeling brilliant!!!

x

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Now

Have you noticed how much the world has changed since we got mobile phones and facebook? It is insane!

I have come to take more note of how many of us (including myself) no longer fully appreciate the 'now' as much as we really should since technology has been taking over our lives!

Think back to the old days when there were no mobiles and internet still hadnt hit the big time market .. now imagine the times that visitors would come over, be it a family member, bestfriend, boyfriend etc ... really think back at those times and I dont know about you but I can assure you that I remember completely being wrapped up in the moment of having those people in company at the time .. nothing else mattered, nothing else distracted me .. it was all about the 'now'...

Take a look now at the persent time, Im sure you will notice that now when we are in the presence of company if our mobile phone rings we will instantly cut conversation and say hold on and get busy answering the call ... or we jump to reply to an sms ...that then leads into another 5.

Dont worry, I am just the same - however I have now noticed this lack of appreciation for the people we have in our lives in the moment of 'now' and moving forward I am going to make a concious effort that my phone or any other distractions that can actually wait do exactly that ....wait... whilst I have the company of loved ones and friends I am going to do my best to give them my full attention ~ afterall, they have made the effort to be with me face to face, the least I can do is repay that effort and time of theirs by focusing on them not my mobile!

Its funny, so many people find mobiles as a lifeline these days - I was one of them ... but not for any longer. I have actually started to use my mobile alot less over the past few weeks and especially when it comes to using it whilst Im with others and I have already noticed a HUGE difference! I appreciate and actually enjoy my 'now' time so much more!

I am just about to get ready for the gym .. I have a workout with Louise this morning which I am looking forward to.. then I have my First Aid training that will chew up most of my day .. Tonight I have Pers birthday, so I figure I will allow myself to indulge in a yummy slice of cake... I have been working out hard this week and have watched what I eat so indulgement it is!

Julie is down from Singapore and yesterday we went and bought HEAPS of magazines ... holidays, health, fashion, etc etc and we are going to start making our vision boards tomorrow .. Ill blog about this in my next post - It is important for us all to keep ourselves on our toes .. we need to continue push ourselves to achieve greater things in life because I can guarantee we wont get it by sitting on our butts and expecting someone else to do it for us ... Conceive, Believe, Create, Succeed ~ vision boards are a great way to get motivated.

I cannot wait! I am excited to see what will naturally fall into place on mine ... and then seeing how they differ from Julies - everyone has different goals,wants and needs in life so it is important not to compare but rather 'share' in the delights of your own ...

Brrrrrr its windy and cold but I am still going to make it to the gym ~ remember people that choice of mind is what stops us from achieving the great wonders that the universe has to offer us!

Much love x

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Release the past ....

Many of us use our painful pasts as a good excuse for accomplishing nothing. The pain can act as a dam that blocks the flow of your life or a painful burn that scars your existence.

You can use the pain and let it become the energy and passion that move you. The choice of how you use it is yours. Release the dam and use the energy of the released waters to propel you. Use the heat and light created by the flame to warm you and illuminate your way. Have the courage to break down the barriers and move forward.

It is easier to blame the past that to create your future. Where do you want to live; in the past or in the now, creating a better future?

Hate and fear destroy life and keep us holding on to pain. Instead use the pain in your life to create something meaningful.

Blame Game ....

Up I got at 5.00am this morning to get ready for my first morning shift .. wow what a difference I noticed in the morning crew of members working out!

As I was pulling up out the front of the gym I noticed 2 women standing out the front 15mins before open time waiting to get in and start their workouts for the day ... morning I yelled out as I opened the door ... after they introduced themselves off they went straight onto the circuit .. you ladies are nice and early I said .. Sali we are always here every morning - 6 days a week at this time .. Really? I replied .. what about when its raining down hard ... I chuckled .. That doesnt even keep us away they said. After looking up their records these ladies werent kidding .. They had worked out nearly 500 times in the past 2 years WOW what dedication!

Its weird how you can be thinking of things ..almost perhaps doubting yourself and then something will happen to reconfirm your feelings ... I was 100% right .. Power of Mind does exist .. and its all got to do with the choices we make.

In this morning alone I had met women who were either told by their partners that they are too fat and need to lose weight .. others too had life threatening diseases .. one lady even had Stage 4 cervical cancer ... another had high levels of depression as she had broken up with her partner after he had an affair ... (It is amazing what these women will share with you as you take their measurements) ...

The whole time these women shared their stories with me I couldnt help but stare back with ultimate admiration and respect. Not one of these women were playing the poor me victim card .. they had all different levels of hurt yet not one of them played the blame game ... not one of them was negative .. they were all positive and motivated women .. who obviously have come to realise through their lives that playing the blame game is only an excuse and a cowards way of not taking responsibility for their own lives....

Yes things happen that steer us onto different paths in life but that is what makes life so great .. through the experiences .. the good and the bad we can better ourselves by remaining at peace knowing that no matter what comes our way we have the ultimate power to learn and move on .. negativity is such evil .. and those that continue to fester in negativity might as well be satan themselves for they not only destroy their own lives they destroy the lives of those around them ... with each piece of negative energy that you put out into the universe you will literally get double the amount back!

Take a look around you at the lives of those who are positive ..peaceful and happy .. isnt it funny that no matter what they seem to have it together ...they seem to have things go there way .. they seem to have all the 'luck' in the world ... yet those who are negative just seem to slowly continue losing everything ..

Luck ... it isnt something that is given to you or that you are gifted with .. it is something we create for ourselves.

Today I am beaming with the fact I was surrounded by motivated, positive women ... I am also happy to have spoken to many of my friends .. .. who always manage to keep me smiling! I am super excited because tonight my twin is down from Singapore to spend the week with us .. Brad & I are taking her out for dinner ... along with another couple of our friends who I havent seen in what feels like forever.

Remember to make time for the people that matter .. make time and really enjoy the 'moment' as you never know how short lived it could be. Last but not least.. remember to take control of your life .. stop fooling yourself by playing the blame game .... take responsibility .... you owe it to yourself to live a positive life!

x

ANGER

There are times when anger is appropriate. When you cannot release anger, it hurts you more than the person you are angry at. When you cannot let go of bitterness, resentment, hurt and aggravation over whatever has happened, then you allow it to continue to damage your life.

Your thoughts are what control your outcome. Read letters to the editors of daily papers, and you will learn what bothers everyone. Rarely do you see a letter expressing thanks or reflecting on a pleasant experience. By your anger you make clear who you are and what you believe in.

Almost invariably, peoples unhealthy anger is about principles and rules of behaviour that they are having trouble with. The best advice I can give is to stop writing angry letters about what a good person should do, and be one instead. Stop criticizing, and be the person you wish everyone else to be.

Right beliefs are one thing, but right action is everything.

CHOICE IS POWER!

This morning I get up, head to Peter Mac and have my Oncology review for the 3 months of my soft trial ~ so far so good .. only a few hot flushes but nothing I cant handle. My cervical tests came back clear however yet again they need to further test my ovaries, which has me a little concerned as breast cancer and ovarian cancer can have a link. Not much I can do besides book myself in for further testing.

With that I decide to have lunch with Brad which was great, only problem was he ended up eating my yummy order of grilled chicken and broccoli with rice, while I got stuck with his 'boring' choice of soup ... how does that happen? After a good meal and much needed coffee I head into work for my shift.

I cannot tell you how pumped I feel everytime I enter this place. I will probably repeat myself over and over again but it is so true, when you surround yourself with likeminded people how uplifting it can be. Being in a environment where I see so many women of all shapes and sizes, ages and colour there doing the same thing ...getting fit and healthy is a god send!

I talk to these women throughout my shift ... motivating them to make positive changes in their life.. the way they think, feel, eat etc and it is AMAZING when I see them back time and time again working towards keeping focussed.

I even had 2 women today say to me that I was an inspiration ... that my positive attitude even though I am going through breast cancer makes them think twice when they feel too lazy to get to the gym, they even mentioned how their moods lift as soon as they start out on a circuit with me. You have no idea how this makes me feel - I cant tell you what wonders this job is doing for me .. I have noticed I am feeling so much more stress free ...

Stress Free ... well when I got home today I was confronted by a VERY stressful situation - one that I decided was TOO much for me to continue handling so my way of handling it was simple ... I weeded out the person who was creating so much drama and stress in my life.

At the end of the day I am a STRONG believer that mind over matter does exist... as does the law of attraction and for those that say yes it does for one purpose and no it doesnt for another are simply fooling themselves and are trying to make excuses up for their own weaknesses.

The beauty of having being diagnosed with cancer is that I have learnt first hand the power of inner strength and mindset. No we dont have the power to control other peoples behaviour, words, intentions etc but we DO have the POWER and ABILITY to CONTROL our own lives and mindset, and how we let situations effect us.

When people say to me I cant get over what this person said or what that person did .. or worse still if people are up and down and 1 second they are happy and forgiving and positive and the next they are angry and distant and negative I now choose not to waste my energy on these people.

We as people have CHOICE - we have POWER of CHOICE .. we can CHOOSE to be miserable, depressed and live topsy turvey drama filled lives or we can CHOOSE to focus on the POSITIVES that life gives us. Yes it is that simple. So when you choose the negative option it is usually because you have a need or want for a drama filled life .. YOU are in control of your own destiny only YOU can make that choice as to what type of life you will live but I assure you - choose one that is negative and you will notice that those around you, even loved ones will soon be tired of the drama filled bullshit and you will end up a very old and lonely soul ... choose to live a life of POSITIVITY and you will notice that not only will your world be surrounded by so many people who love being around your good energy but things in your life will fall into place.

I look at my situation .. I was 27 when I was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer, now being so young and knowing my odds of survival I could have so easily have gone into a state of depression and played the 'poor me' card .. I could have easily have quit my job whilst I was going through treatment ... I could have easily slept in all day all night during my 7 months of chemo .. crying why me ... but it came down to me having a choice ... regardless of my situation of being faced with a deadly disease i had a choice on how I would allow it to effect my life. I chose to be positive.

I kept working through my chemo .. sure my hours were cut back as some days I literally couldnt get out of bed but most of the time I was at work .. trying to live normally ... yes i had it ringing in my head everday that I had cancer and that I could very well DIE from this but I CHOSE to remain positive .. I am not superhuman so there a times it got hard .. but the harder it got the more focussed I became on remaining positive.

After my double maestectomy I learnt that my surgeons had found 2 more tumours in my blood vessle .. and every day I now live with the unknown fear that it could have spread to my blood .. everyday I now live with the fear that I could die in the next 5 years .. that I may not get to see my son start school ... graduate ..get his first girlfriend or turn 21 ... everyday I fear that my Drs will tell me the cancer has come back .. which we know if that happens it is incurable .. now even though I live with these fears every second of every day I refuse to give up on being positive because that is the CHOICE I am able to make. That is the POWER that I have as a human being ... and people underestimate that power way too often!

Do I have less patience for people who dramatise situations that are not life or death matters - YES I do .. why .. because these people make me angry .. they have lives that are blessed with good family and friends... good jobs .. and most importantly their good health. These people have NO idea how lucky they are ... and it actually is insulting to those of us who are less fortunate...and not by choice!

So for those who care to talk to me about not being able to get over an arguement that had hurtful words or comments I say in return - I simply pity you for feeling the need to allow such way of words to consume your life and eat away at you to the point you feel the need to create such drama ... I cant help but cry as I right this as it makes me feel sick to the core of my stomach that people like this dont appreciate, respect or take time to be greatful for the beauty they have .. instead they focus on all the negative shit no matter how small it is.

Something I always say to myself is that if you ask the universe to make you more forgiving .. or stronger .. or whatever it is that you may wish you were .. the universe will never hand it out to you on a silver platter .. instead it will create situations in your life that give you the opportunity to become those things ...

As for me, I remain thankful that I am blessed with cancer ~ for it has made me realise the real power of choice ... choice of mindset .. choice in the way we allow ourselves to be effected my situations!

With that tonight have chosen to cleanse myself of these people .. and it is for good.






Monday, July 6, 2009

Member of the Month!

Oh what a feeling!! I am very excited to report that I got 'member of the month for July' with Pink Hope - www.pinkhope.org.au

I cannot tell you how exciting this is. I love that website - it is an AMAZING forum for women and or men who have been affected either directly or through a love one to get together electronically and discuss/give advice etc on our own experiences with either Breast Cancer or Ovarian Cancer.

It feels so good to actually help other women through the same journey - of course everyone is completely different but we all still have some common ground.

It is so liberating to hear of other womens triumphs through the disease. It just makes me wanna scream with joy from the top of my lungs!

I feel so happy today - work was GREAT! I love being surrounded by women who are doing what they can to improve their health. I love motivating them to get through their circuits I love motivating them and given them advice on better nutrition options. It is such a rewarding job!

Tonight I leave you on a very HIGH note - I'm off to spend a nice quiet evening watching a movie with Brad.

x

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Make the effort!

What a great weekend I had with Louise! We started our Saturday morning with a double workout of strength/cardio - always a great way to start the day .. we were feeling fit healthy and pumped ... ofcourse nothing is better to then head down to the mall and give your partners credit card a good workout too lol ... Retail Therapy is such bliss!

Last night we decided to head to the cinemas to watch 'the proposal' ooooohhhh how I LOVED this movie! It was such a great light hearted romance comedy ~ yet it also had me thinking .. that buzz you get when you watch two people fall in love on screen .. thats the buzz that I want from so many things in my life ..that really warm fuzzy feeling of happiness, peace and content.

Its so easy to let every day take over and we can tend to lose focus on making the effort with family, friends and loved ones. I know I tend to do it - This movie was a good reliasation that I need to remain concious to not let my days get away from me, to always remain in control and ALWAYS make time with people that matter ... and of course less time on the crap that really doesnt.

My son is so adorable. He always reminds me of an old soul .... he is so caring. Even till today (4 months after my surgery) he will still say, Mama are your boobs ok? Is the sticky tape still holding them mama? Oh my heart melts every time he voices concern! Mama - did you have to go to the Doctors house today? It really does amaze me at how intelligent little people can be. My son is only 4 1/2 and even when he sits on my lap he is always cautious of not leaning back on my chest ..even if I say its ok Mama doesnt hurt anymore he will look at me and say ..just in case Mama I wont I will sit here (on the edge of my knee) ...

Its moments like the above that matter .. not things that we get carried away about like my partner forgetting to take the bins out and the rubbish collector has been and gone - yes ok its annoying but at the end of the day .. who cares .. who cares about things that just plain and simple arent important.

I think we all need to make the time in our lives to often reassess what we have .. what makes our lives rich and obviously not in the sense of $$ .. what we find ourselves wasting time and energy on that makes no difference in the end.

Classic example - I use to before always get in the shits when Brad wouldnt say put his dishes in the dishwasher .. then I would spend the next hour being grumpy and moody .. now I tend to 'remind' him that he needs to put his plate in the dishwasher but I no longer waste my hours harping on about it ... I would rather let him know and move on and enjoy my afternoon with him ... Its little tiny simple things like this that end up making a HUGE difference - not only in the way we spend our time but our stress levels!

So my focus for this coming week is to concetrate on my stress levels - weeding out anything in my life that hinders it and embraces that in which is calming!

On Wednesday I have my 3 month review from my oncologist for my 'SOFT TRIAL" treatment - so far I feel fantastic - side effects are few and far between - I just pray every night that it is infact working. I love and cherish my life so much more now then I ever have and all I want is for my treatment to be working!

Im off to do my groceries for the week - preperation is the key to ensure that all my meals are healthy - its too easy to eat crap if you havent got yourself organised!

x

Friday, July 3, 2009

No more DRAMA!

FUCK ME! I am so cranky tonight! Argghh I cant even begin to type the frustration I am feeling.

I HATE more than anything in this world when people create DRAMA out of nothing - worse still when people turn someones words into their own little dramatised fiasco that is completley and utterly off the topic or track of what the person was saying ...

Anyways the situation above was a case that happend earlier tonight and it just grinds away at me .. What is the point of having free speech if you have to CORRECT people because they 'missunderstood' what was being said - GRRR why cant people stop being so god damn self obsessed and realise that NOT everything that is said is about them!

Im not even going to waste my fingertips on the details of the situation but I am on here to vent as otherwise I would be lying in bed with an abosolute ball of stress in my belly that would probably eat right through my core by sunrise!

This journey is teaching me so many things .. even still till this day - it teaches me the importance of surrounding myself with likeminded people - why waste your time on people who literally suck the engery right from you!

Over the next week I am going to write a list of things that are important for me to have in my life ... everything from work ..friends ... love ... interests ..etc and for what doesnt stack up against my list well ... its time for me to find my inner strength and rid myself from that in which is sucking me dry!

Why is it that when something new in your life is going great other things turn to shit? Why cant there be a moment when just everything ... aboslutely everything is the way its meant to be? Or maybe thats just it .. maybe things are never ever meant to be perfect?

Tomorrow I recieve yet another monthly injection - Joy! However I am looking foward to hitting the gym twice tomorrow with my pal Louise .. ohh more than ever now I am looking forward to it, what a stress relief it will be!

I love spending time with Louise, she really truly gets me. It is funny, we had a big falling out 2 years ago but ever since then we have been inseperable and we now totally get eachother. Nothing is ever taken out of context. Were brutally honest with eachother which is healthy! Sure she shits me at times, Im sure I shit her at times but that is what makes us such good friends - we can let eachother know and there is no hard feelings - we deal with it, or give eachother time and we move on!

I seriously dont know how I would cope throughout my journey if I didnt have her. She has really helped me out when I have needed to vent but most importantly she has really made me feel normal. She doesnt treat me any different at any time, even if Im lying in hospital she wont treat me with the 'poor Sali' technique - she just keeps things normal and for that I love her to death! She knows if I need to talk about it I can bring it up, she doesnt hammer me with questions which I respect!

It is so important to find good friends - nobody is ever perfect but if you can find someone you can really lean on in the hard times, well then I can assure you they are the ones worth holding on to through thick or thin!

So now that I have finished my post on a good note I think Ill be feel good enough to go to bed stressfree .. Ill just think about what a fun girls day I will have tomorrow!

x



Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Moment

So Im due to head out the door soon to get a wriggle on at work ..and I mean a wriggle on! I love it - I love dancing all day long, motivating women as they do their circuit! Curves is great and i even enjoy doing the workouts myself - its quick, not easy let me assure you but it is a excellent workout that leaves you feeling great afterwards!

I have noticed this week that I have been running around like a headless chook ...from one Drs appointment to another .. then to work ..then rushing home to get the house cleaned and dinner on the table ...it never ends .. until that is the other morning when I jumped in my car and started reversing out the drive way .. I could hear my reverse beepers going off ..beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeppppp *BOOM* woopsy! I had just reversed into my partners Audi S4 .. now thankfully my partner is loving and he didnt actually have a hissy that I just smashed into the back of his prized possession ... instead he came out looked and me and said ... Sali please let this be a wake up call that you are running around life too fast these days .. Please start to take some time out for you .. come home and dont worry about cleaning up - just start taking things a little bit easier - get back to having some 'chill' time ...

This is when I realised I had been rushing through life so fast that I was forgetting to enjoy the beauty of reflection - so yes now needless to say if I get home and my day has been hectic .. well the washing can wait till the next day .. instead I make sure I take the time to lie down and just breathe .. thinking about what happended in the day and what lessons i may have learnt ...what I was greatful for (and being sure I made the time to put an entry in my gratitude book)

Its so easy for us all to get caught up in a rush and forget about the most important thing we have ... time for ourselves. I love sitting in absolute silence and just letting my mind tick over. I love taking the time to appreciate my day .. for all of us .. healthy or ill we never know when it will be our last!

x