What a morning ...

Wow, what a morning it has been! I woke up at 6.30 and headed straight down to the gym to do my usual session for the day .. only 5 mins in and I hear on the radio that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack ..and if that wasnt sad enough for the morning I hear that Farrah Fawcett has unfortunately lost her battle with cancer.

These days, obiviously any story surrounding cancer grabs my attention instantly. It always brings up new fears and not to mention digs up the old ones I try and keep hidden.

As soon as I started reading her story I see that she had a 3 year battle .. after chemo she thought she had defeated it, only to find out it had returned .. That is my greatest fear - the cancer returning ... I have seen to many close people to me battle the bitch of a disease and for a moment have a glimmer of hope that they were now able to live on ... only to have it return shortly thereafter. Again this brings up thoughts about me wanting to eliminate EVERY possible chance of giving my cancer a chance of returning.

I cant help but wonder why my drs wont give me a hysterectomy .. I understand they say I am too you and that after my 5 years of menapause treatment it 'should' be ok - well i am sorry but SHOULD BE is not good enough for me. To me it makes perfectly clear sense .. I have a disease that feeds off of the hormones I produce .. so lets get rid of this hormone making machine ...for good - why the hell will we 'put it to sleep' for 5 years and then see if it ends up coming back? Fuck that - I aint taking any chances. My next review I will be ensuring I persist with them looking further into even removing my ovaries .. the more I hear about stories of cancer survivors dying only a few years into being in remission the more determined I am to do everything in my power to make sure I rule out any chance of that happening to me!

I am going to continue doing the best I can regarding my health and fitness ... I feel strong and love knowing I am doing the best by my body - inside and out .. if anything it is the only thing I can control .. the rest is up to the 'universe' to dictate my outcome.

So today Im going to go for a long walk whilst I listen to some Michael Jackson tracks then Ill head home and watch a 'Farrah Fawcett' movie - makes you re-appreciate life in so many ways!