Ultimate Happiness

As I mentioned in my previous post, my bone scan test results came back clear - I really cant begin to explain or share with you exactly how this makes me feel. With the aches & pains I was getting in my hips I was sure the cancer had spread and everyday I would torture myself with thoughts of this. It even got to the point where I started to think about how I wanted my funeral to be .. now however with the news of it not being in my bones I feel now as though I a have a new lease on life. I cant control waking up every morning now and feeling elated... feeling free .. for the last few days I have felt alive, healthy and at peace .. not at peace like I was before feeling like I had accepted the fact I was going to die, but a peace that now allows me to really live.

I feel as though my days are so full on because finally after a year of being down and depressed and unmotivated I now want to do anything and everything... Ive almost turned into the yes man lol.

One of the most important things for me on this journey is to better myself .. to find ultimate happiness and not in materialistic things - but true inner happiness from things that dont cost a thing ... feelings .. I want to learn to really feel the meaning of joy, ... it is amazing when we are able to find beauty in even the most ugliest of things... and its true - there truly is beauty in everything, sometimes we just need to dig a lil deeper to find it.

This week I am off to Adelaide which will be great to see all my family and friends, especially those I havent seen since I fell ill - a part of me is a little worried about what emotions it will bring up , will I be able to keep my wall up to ensure nobody sees my vulnerable side??? I hope so, I really hate showing my emotions and yes I know that it is heathly and therapeutic to release but sometimes for me the truth is when I see others upset or down because of my situation it actually makes me feel guilty - I almost feel like I am not protecting the ones I care about from the love and pain I feel. Yes I am still scared that my journey isnt over - I dont think I would be human if those thoughts didnt enter my mind from time to time - but for me it is about building my thoughts and mindset to be that which is strong, hopefull and at peace -

Ill leave you with a thought on Joy -

How do we find JOY in our lives? Too often it comes at a significant price. You learn you are mortal, and suddenly what used to seem important isnt. Things that used to bother you dont anymore because they too have become insignificant. What then becomes significant are the people who you love and who love you.

When you know your time is limited, every moment becomes precious. You step out the door, and a flower brings you joy because it may be the last flower you ever see. Time becomes a gift, not a burden, because you choose to spend it with the things and people you love and stop doing the things that are meaningless. You wear whatever you life and stop worrying so much about what others think. When you appreciate the now, weather becomes fascinating instead of a problem. It turns a frost-covered window blocking your vision into an awesome work of art.

Enjoy what lies before you, and be in awe of the beauty of creation. Seeing something for the last time is almost as good as the first -